And finally…

So it’s been a while, but here we go, first post as a new man, as a productive and exciting person, as me, Craig, as I shall be for the rest of my life.

So she’s changed me, and for the better. This isn’t all about her, there is way more to this than just a girl and a beach, this is about how I conduct myself, how I create my friendships and how I deal with those as time moves on. What happened happened, there is no denying that, but what it means is important and needs to be processed properly before its possible for me to move on with my life.

I can be an addictive person. Whether it’s too many cigarettes or beers, whether I start making noises when I shouldn’t do or whether it’s a drug infused coma I put myself into, I can be very moreish on things I like. It works the same way with people, and this last little experience has taught me more than just a few things about myself as well as how other people work. Just to give you an idea of what I’m doing right now, it’s Saturday morning on Jambiani beach on the south eastern part of Zanzibar, the girls have just left for the ferry to Dar and their journey down to South Africa, and I’m finishing my coffee, with an awesome Chemical Brothers mix, and preparing my set for the debut of DJ DEATH on Zanzibar tonight, as I will be playing music at Coral Rock for their full moon party just a few hundred metres up the beach from where we are. This is the real part of all this, and in all fairness I owe the confidence and motivation for this all to her. Festival plans and parties and moving to the beach have all been forefront in my mind, clouded by the blonde, but now they have my full attention, and from this moment forwards, I am no longer the IT guy who lives on the mountain, but an event organiser and DJ who works in East Africa and who will bring the best music festival this country has ever seen for the beginning of 2015 right here on the beaches of this beautiful island.

I’ve been dancing with no shirt on, barefoot in the sand to some awesome minimal techno. I have argued with Maasai idiots and protected my harem from unwanted attention, I have drank my weight in tequila and rum and managed to survive to the other side. I am now feeling slightly deflated but excited. I have a new chapter to concentrate on now, and the best part is its what I have wanted to do with my life ever since I was old enough to buy records. It’s real, its not just a dream, it is my dream, and from today onwards I am making it my reality.

She will go home, to her boyfriend, and will forget about me. Or at least try. That’s what she needs to do, and in turn what I need to do is avoid the self-destructive behaviour that I know I’m capable of and use this energy to do something amazing and positive with my passion and anger and love and rage. Compiling playlists in my head day in day out is what I do best, and to get paid to provide that service to others is what I want to be doing forever. Music is an emotionally charged activity, and without passion or a muse at least to concentrate on or be inspired by it is difficult to concentrate on the aspects of it that need attention. Writing music and playing other people’s music can be both tiring and enlightening at once, and being able to use that power to effect, under pressure, with hundreds of people waiting for the next beat is I believe what I am best at, and I intend to be everything I have sold myself to be tonight. This party is gonna be awesome. The soundsystem is huge, the equipment is probably the best I’ve ever had the pleasure of using (they are using a Traktor Pro/Kontrol S4 setup like I have learned on) and with the green light to be myself and play what I believe in this is the first real and big opportunity that I’ve had since I gave up playing music back in 2005 to concentrate on my career.

The career part took care of itself, it put me in the place I am today with an incredible set of skills at my disposal, and a freedom of spirit that I know lots of people envy and look up to. I have a strong and confident grasp of a big African language which along with local knowledge, my open and honest mentality and a damn fine record collection I am in the best place to build this up to being the end-game. The one big opportunity to make good on everything that I have worked so hard for in the last 32 and a half years. From losing my father, being kicked out at 16, failing university and becoming a full time stoner with basically no future, I have turned myself around, given myself the tools to deal with life and all its little quirks and drawbacks, and finally see where I am supposed to be, which is everywhere. There is no way I am supposed to have a home in one place. I am destined to walk this land forever, I see that now, and through the power of music and love, I shall set my own world on fire and bring smiles and happiness wherever I can. Yes, right now I’m crying, but it’s a happy time, a new chapter, and a new road I’m walking on now, with bare feet and silly sunglasses, head held high in the knowledge that I am everything I want to be, and I can’t fucking wait to see what happens next. I’m not waiting for something to be done, I’m doing it myself, and that’s the best part of all of this.


About graigchq

IT professional come travelling hobo.... i'm of to the new world to find out who i am, and leave all that i hate behind, including my negativity!!
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