Endelea na maisha

Searching for a moment of eloquence amongst the madness of life right now, which is not an easy task when surrounded by a general lack of comprehension and understanding from my colleagues and students. This may sound like a gripe, but really it isn’t. What I am looking for, and have been for a while is the opportunity to converse and listen and be understood without having to dumb myself down or hear the same old stuff over and over. Within the realms of what’s possible, and certainly not too far-fetched, has arisen a new path to follow, a new beginning to walk down, and a new smile on my face.

Women as a subset of humanity have their ups and downs, their intricacies and their faults. Above all they have a power over us, mere men, that nothing else compares to, and can even derail the most grounded of people from their path in life. Most recently, this has happened to my fellow adventurer, and main inspiration for leaving UK and going off to do something: Nathan. He left the UK about six months before I did, with a bicycle and hideous amount of equipment to set off on his journey from Alaska down to South America. He succeeded, if only in part, to dispel his previous life and become who he wanted to become, yet somewhere along the way the unthinkable happened and he met a woman, gave up cycling and now lives with her in the US. Now I am not saying for a second that I am moving to the US and giving up on my career, but I have found myself wandering in my mind and contemplating exactly how I might exit this place, should it ever happen, and under what circumstances. As ever, it seems, it will be woman who triumphs over me, and pulls me away from what I was quite happily burrowing away at previously.

I have had two girlfriends in this country since I arrived, and as a visitor to the UK last year I enjoyed a “Summer of Love” in a way I had never done before by being free and not committing myself to anyone. It’s still a point of contention for most Tanzanian’s to learn that I am 31 years old, not married and no children, because this would almost certainly have not happened would I have been brought up here instead of the UK. After many years of basically hating women, I have had a couple of relationships that clearly didn’t work. I have had a couple that would have worked if the circumstances didn’t play against us, and I have met, as most of us do, the woman of my dreams several times, each time to be presently greeted by her husband shortly after. Right now, I think I’m heading towards saying something that I must not, so I will leave this post hanging on the edge with just the merest hint of what lies ahead. Basically because I do not know myself, and I have been here before and claimed myself the finder of love forever only to be torn up down the line, but let me finish with this. If she does feel the same way, then life is about to get a whole lot happier for me, and that’s coming from someone who is already happier than I’ve ever been before. Love and life: you can have either, but when they come together they complete each other.


About graigchq

IT professional come travelling hobo.... i'm of to the new world to find out who i am, and leave all that i hate behind, including my negativity!!
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